COVID-19 has brought many changes to our lives, but I think the most irritating one is the addition of new words and phrases to our lexicon. I just can’t handle hearing these words over and over and I sincerely hope that once this thing is done, we can banish them forever.

The most irritating: We are closely monitoring the situation.

Closely monitoring the situation? I just rolled my eyes so hard they got stuck in the back of my head.

COME ON. I’m closely monitoring the situation too, and my close monitoring does not seem to agree with your close monitoring. Don’t just check Fox News and Facebook every once in a while. Do something.

Next: Social distance

This one seems like a total oxymoron. Social means being with people. Distance means not being with people. You know when we could really use social distancing? With kids in the car. I vividly remember long car trips with my family sitting next to my brother as we increasingly irritated each other. “He’s in my space! He’s touching me! He’s poking me! HE’S BREATHING MY AIR!!!” I’m not going to implicate Thaddeus and Poppy because of course they’re absolute angels in the car (LOL) but let’s just say that’s still a thing. Kids in cars–complaining about a lack of social distance since cars were invented.

Can someone invent social distancing for kids in cars?

Next: In these trying times.

This one just feels so condescending.

Next: Out of an abundance of caution…

Please. You’re just trying to make yourself look good because you didn’t shut down earlier. We’re beyond an abundance of caution. Have you seen Italy? If we really had an abundance of caution we would have locked down everyone 3 weeks ago. Caution means you’re acting to prevent something from happening. Dude, it’s already happening.

Newsflash: Too fucking late.

There are many more that I can’t think of right now because quarantine. Come join me on Facebook (link below) and leave a comment about what phrases you hate now.